Energy Vampires. We’ve all had those people who leave us feeling drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed. The worst part is that Energy Vampires come in MANY forms and can show up in any area of our lives! How can we identify them? What are the red flags to look for? And once we spot them, what can we do about it?? 

We’ll cover the 5 Questions to ask yourself to evaluate if someone IS an energy vampire or not, the 7 Types of Energy Vampires to be on the lookout for, the 9 Red Flags you’ll need to know to spot them and 7 suggestions of what to do once you do!

You’ll walk away from this episode understanding: 

What is an Energy Vampire?

How can you recognize the energy vampires in your life? 

What are the Top 5 Questions to ask yourself to help identify energy vampires? 

What are some of the 7 Most Common types of Energy Vampires? 

What are the signs and red flags to look for to identify Energy Vampires? 

Are YOU an Energy Vampire?!

Once you identify any energy vampires around you, what can you do about it??

Show Notes:

Energy Vampires: 10 Signs & How to Deal with One, 

Author: Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, LCPC, LPC, LMHC, NCC

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/energy-vampires/#:~:text=Energy%20vampires%20are%20people%20who,resources%2C%20energy%20vampires%20mostly%20take.

https://www.calm.com/blog/energy-vampire

 Episode Transcript:

hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit speakeasy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own. So step inside the spirit speakeasy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome back, or welcome in for another episode of spirit speakeasy. Today, we're going to be talking all about energy vampires, five questions, seven types to look for, and nine red flags to spot them. We've all had those people who leave us feeling drained, exhausted, overwhelmed. The worst part is that energy vampires can come in many forms and can show up in any area of our lives. How can we identify them? What are the red flags to look for? And once we spot them, what can we do about it? So we'll cover the five questions to ask yourself to evaluate if someone is an energy vampire or not, the seven types of energy vampires to be on the lookout for, and the nine red flags you'll need to know to spot them. Plus, I'm going to add on seven suggestions of what to do once you do spot them. This, this topic actually comes from one of the Ask a medium anything episodes, and we gently touched into energy vampires. But I actually get so many questions about this, and sometimes people don't know necessarily that this is what they're asking about. So that is why I wanted to do a whole deep dive episode about energy vampires. By the end of this episode, you will know what an energy vampire is, how you can recognize them in their in your own life. What are the top five questions to ask yourself to help identify those energy vampires, what are some of the seven most common types of energy vampires, and what are the signs and red flags to look for to identify energy vampires? And you'll also know if you're an energy vampire or not, or maybe you have been one in the past, I bet you that's something that you haven't thought about. And again, once you like are identify these energy vampires around you, what can you do about it? So I want to start by talking about what is an energy vampire now? Calm.com, defines an energy vampire as and this is a quote I'm going to link everything that I'm all my sources and things that I'm citing, of course, will be linked in the show notes. So if you want to explore further, check there. But they define calm.com. Calm, calm like c, a, l, m.com. Defines energy vampires as a person who leaves you feeling depleted, both emotionally and mentally, after you've spent time with them. It's not a clinical term, but more of a colloquial shorthand, like a common phrase used to describe a kind of person who drains your energy. It's not as mysterious as it sounds when you're together. This type of person constantly demands your attention, support or empathy, oftentimes without even realizing it. This affects you, and the effects of being around an energy vampire is more than just feeling a bit tired after a really long chat. It's about feeling constantly worn out, stressed or even sad after your interactions with them, and these feelings aren't just in your head. Interacting with an energy vampire can significantly affect your own health and well being. Research has shown that prolonged emotional stress can have real physical effects on our bodies. I think we all know this now. It can lead to increased levels of stress hormone like cortisol, which can affect your sleep, mood and even your immune system over time, and that is except for my little interjections, a direct quote from calm.com LinkedIn show notes. So let's get a little bit of a deeper understanding of energy vampires, because they can, and sometimes rightfully so, be a little bit villainized in the way we talk about them. What I'm about to say highlights maybe the softer side or some compassion we can have for energy vampires. But what I'm about to say is, in no way intended to permit or excuse quote. Unquote bad behavior. You don't have to like the behavior, agree with their methods, or even choose to keep the energy vampire in your life. But I just think it's important to bring the conversation around to the idea that, number one, not all energy vampires are doing it on purpose. So some people don't realize that they're imposing on you in this way. They don't realize that there's such a drain. It is kind of bad behavior right to be like exploding our emotions all over someone. But some people, you know, maybe they don't have good boundaries themselves. So not all any energy vampires are doing it on purpose. Necessarily, remember, it doesn't mean you have to accept that behavior. And two, oftentimes, these people, who we identify as energy vampires, have been deeply wounded at some point themselves, and have developed these either defense mechanisms and unhealthy strategies to get their own needs met or like a coping mechanism, for example, that they really just let out all of their emotions onto another person instead of processing themselves or getting the therapy they may need. And it's often a younger unhealed, hurting version of themself that you're actually interacting with. So it's not this version of them, you see, it's usually these younger, unhealed, sometimes messy parts of them that you're interacting with when you're feeling this drain on you. So again, it's not to excuse bad behavior, but we can have some compassion for people who are energy vampires if we see them as maybe a hurt person themselves. Doesn't mean we have to allow that in our space or in our lives, but I just think it's important to point out so when it comes to identifying the energy vampires in your life, you can ask these five key questions. You can make a note of them, or you can come back and listen again if you need to. But here are the questions to evaluate, is this person actually an energy vampire? So question one, is this person going through a difficult time, or is this just a part of their personality? The truth is, I think we know we all go through trials and hard times. We, you know, go through loss and illness, and whether it's loss of a person, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, tough things happen in our lives. This person that's draining your energy, is it the way it always is with them, like, is this a personality trait for them, or is it just this one situation that they're going through? Maybe this year, they're getting a divorce and it's really, really hard, or, you know, maybe they lost a significant person in their life and it's really hard and they're needing some extra support. So is this a difficult time they're going through, or is this just a consistent, ongoing part of their personality? Question two, do do they regularly expect others to adjust to their frequent and varying moods? So
often, energy vampires can also be kind of moody, right? Sometimes they're sad, sometimes, you know, and when you're giving suggestions of how they might work with this situation. For example, a lot of us are suggestion givers. If that's what they're asking for, and you're giving suggestions, they often will have a reason for every little suggestion you give of why it's not going to work and and sometimes their moods fluctuate. They can get angry, they can be sad, they can be demanding, they could be sometimes diminutive or demeaning. So are they expecting you or others to like consistently adjust to their always changing moods and emotions? This is an important point, because it has to do with whether they're considering the people that they're engaging and interacting with, right? And these can even show up in not just work relationships, but like the personal relationships in our lives. So the energy vampire can also fall into other categories of, I don't want to say conditions, but like personality traits that may be great or not great. So if there's someone who comes home, for example, perhaps this is a partner that you have in the past, or even now, and they come home, and every day that they come home, the family needs to gage this person's mood to see like, can we be playful? Or is this person, is this person in a fragile mood? Or can we, you know, really talk about our day, or is this person you know going to be upset because all the attention is not on them in their day? So really, just evaluating with the person that you're thinking, is this an energy vampire? Not do they expect others to adjust to their frequently varying moods? I think we all do it, maybe at little bits of time in an unconscious way. Okay, but there's another option. I mean, there are people that say, You know what, I'm just in a really bad mood today. I don't I'm not upset with you. You know, feel free to tell me what's going on with you. I just, I'm not having the greatest day. So in that way, they're acknowledging their mood, but they're not making you or expecting you to be in a somber mood because they are. They're just letting you know if they're in a somber mood, and they need everyone around them to be in a somber mood, and they're demanding that everyone adjusts to their frequently varying moods. Well, that's a problem. Question three, do they leave you feeling tired, anxious, drained, overwhelmed, stressed out, wanting to withdraw like a little snail, sucking yourself back inside of your own shell. This can be either as a result of interacting with them, like after you see them, or it can even be at the thought of interacting with them, like, for example, when you see that text or DM or email pop up on your device, and sometimes it could be even before you open that message. A lot of us now, with all the way our devices sync, it's like we have, we might have a phone device, we might have a laptop or a tablet, and you know, those little alerts if you're on your laptop or tablet will often come across, letting you know, text message from so and so, and even before you open it or read it, know the content, if you're already feeling anxious or stressed or like, Oh my God, I don't want to know what this person has to say. That might be a sign that they're an energy vampire. It's how you feel after interacting with them. And I've certainly had people that, because the interactions with them are so consistently draining and make me stressed and overwhelmed and want to just withdraw and hide from their calls over time. If that's what happens pretty much every time you're with this person, you will probably eventually find yourself feeling like even before you talk to them and know whatever it is they want to tell you just the fact that they're calling you or texting you or wanting to engage with you, those feelings start rising up, and they don't feel great, so paying attention to your own feelings. So that's the third question. Fourth question, do they make you feel like you work for them, even if you don't. So if it's your boss, and you know you're aware that you work for them, that's one thing. But are they, are they making you aware that you work for them in a way that they're making you feel less valued or unimportant, or, you know, like you have no rights there, for example, and especially if you don't work for them. Are they treating you like an errand person, like you're to run their errands, or you're to clean up their messes, or you're to cater to them? Some people this is just how they roll through the world, like everyone that's around them kind of works for them or is expected to cater to them. So do they make you feel like that, especially if you don't work for them? I mean, it could be even if you do actually work for them, if they're just an energy vampire and draining and kneading and it's not that professional, even if it's like a friendly, superior and inferior relationship, like they're your supervisor, but it's friendly, that's okay, but it's when it tips into them, making you feel constantly like you owe them something you need to attend to them like, basically like you work for them, especially if you don't. The fifth question is, do you find yourself coming away from interactions having agreed to do things that you didn't want to, even if it's through some version of manipulation, maybe guilt trips or even bullying. This could be things like events, and it could be on many sides of the event, right? It could be that you've agreed to go to an event that you just didn't want to go to. It could be that you've agreed to host an event that you didn't even want to go to. It could be that you're, you know, if you're in a business that creates events, it could be that you're agreeing to co create an event that probably will end up falling a lot on your lap that you didn't want to so are they? Are you coming away from those interactions finding that you've often agreed to do something so it could be like an event, it could be an errand. It could be even like, if they're that type of friend, that every time you're you having plans with them, they call you ahead and say, Oh yeah, by the way, can you pick up this for me? Or when you're leaving? Oh, by the way, you're gonna go by the post office anyways. Could you drop off this letter for me? Could you pick up this dry cleaning for me again, particularly if you don't work for them at all. So errands for them being involved in their drama, right? Maybe it's like, oh, just use your social media account to look up their social media account, or drive by that person's house on your way. Over here and see if they're home, right? I mean, that's a little extreme. But do you feel like you're agreeing to interact in their drama or be involved in their drama when you don't want to? It's not it's just not your circus, not your monkeys. So stepping away from or exiting those encounters engagements with that person, realizing, oh my gosh, I agreed to do something for them and I didn't want to. And again, it can be because they are manipulative. It can be because they're bullying. It can be because you have a really hard time saying no, and maybe you need to work on your boundaries. Maybe they're guilt tripping you and and telling you
how hard this period of transition has been for them, and they're just laying it on real thick so that you're offering to take things off of their plate, even if you're like, Oh, why am I offering to do this? This person, I don't want to do this. So pay attention to that. So that's the fifth question to be asking yourself in this evaluation of whether someone is an energy vampire. In her article titled energy vampires, 10 signs and how to deal with one author, Suzanne, I'm not going to get her name right. DEGUS white, it's D, E, G, G, E, S, dash white. So deja sedegas could be said a lot of ways. Anyway, she's a PhD and has lots of other letters behind her name. She shares the common types of energy vampires. And what I'm about to share is based on her article. Of course, I've added some information of my own and some thoughts of my own, but that article is linked in the show notes if you just want to read her article. But these ideas are based on her ideas. So common types of energy vampires that Dr Suzanne shares is the first type is called the minimizer. This is a person who always puts others down to build themselves up, no matter what positive things might happen in your life. The minimizing energy vampire finds reasons to make you feel bad about your accomplishments, this energy vampire not only makes you feel bad about yourself, but they also drain you by puncturing your self esteem. So you know, I think many of us, I don't know if you see yourself in this one or can think of a time where this happened to you, where you're sharing this exciting news. And it's not in a braggadocious way. It's just in it, oh my gosh, this really cool opportunity happened. And it's that person cutting you down in some way and building themself up. Maybe they need to tell you a story about when they had a opportunity way better than that, or when they lost an opportunity way better than that, or how you're, you know, oh, I don't know how you're gonna pull that off. It could be even a comment like that. Sometimes it's in these fleeting comments, but minimizing your wins or successes, needing to feel over you in that way better than more achieved, more accomplished, making you feel bad about your accomplishments. It could even be a side comment of like, oh, you're bragging. Or oh, must be nice, or oh, I guess you think you're fancy. Now, so there's lots of ways that they can do it, but really they're draining you, not only by not supporting your whatever it is you're sharing, but by making you feel lower in your own self esteem. Now, whether you choose how much you choose to let that affect you is a different conversation, but if they're trying to do it to minimize you. So the minimizer, the next type is the victim. I think we've all known this type. This type drives me bananas. Victims will always play up any slight, whether it's real or imagined. If they feel like, Oh, you got more French fries than me. They're the victim, right? Even if it's not true, even if it is true. So any slight, real or imagined that would encourage others to feel sympathy towards them. Victims are exhausting to be around, not only because they demand attention, but their perpetual focus on the negative side of things brings everyone down. This is one of the harder ones for me to have compassion with. You know, think of the example that's coming to my mind is, for example, someone who's playing the victim. Would be someone who calls you and they're maybe they're crying, or maybe they're very upset, and they say, oh my gosh, I just got pulled over. You're not going to believe this. And you say, Oh my gosh. Are you okay? And they're like, Yes, I was driving and I got pulled over out of nowhere, and this is so unfair. And they took 20 minutes looking at my license plate, and this is so unfair. And then as the conversation goes on, you find out, actually, they were driving 100 miles an hour. They were weaving in and out of traffic. They were late, they were rude to the officer. They were maybe they came off entitled to the officer, and the officer kept them around a little bit more. So it's spinning the situation to where they are, the victim. In this situation and the other person has wronged them, even if it's like, well, yeah, you were speeding and you got pulled over. And that happens sometimes, right? It's it doesn't make us a victim. So that's just one little example, but often you'll hear the victim having a mantra, like, it's not fair, or even if they're not using the words, it's not fair, it's the attitude or the energy of it's not fair. Oh, this person got promoted over me. That's not fair. Oh, well, did you go into the meeting and make your case for why you should be promoted? No, it's not fair. Like it's just, they're not looking for solutions. They're just wanting to be the victim, because it's setting up that dynamic where they're going to receive sympathy, they're going to receive attention. Nothing's their fault. Nothing is a result of their own choices. It's always something being done to them that is hurtful and offensive, and sometimes it's real. Sometimes meaning like, yeah, sometimes, maybe, like I've had it happen where, right now, where I live, I park in a parking garage that's part of the building, and my car gets dinged up. Sometimes, there's been times where definitely someone's either opened their car door into my car and made a little mark or a little scratch. So that's a real thing that happened. Now, if I come in all woe is me, this is always happening to me, and poor me, and I don't I must be something around my energy that I'm drawing dings to come to my car all the time, right? It's, it's that woe is me about everything, even if it's something that actually happened, it's the way that they're framing it and again, remember in those five questions that we just talked about, is this just a little phase they're going through, or a challenge that's happening for them? Or is this a personality trait that is ongoing consistently, a lot of the time? So that is the victim, the next type of energy vampire that I want to talk about is the dependent. This is a person who is always asking others for reassurance and support. They're helpless in making decisions for themselves and drain others by their constant need for guidance and direction. Now we all probably have a friend or a person in our lives that sometimes we bounce things off of or get guidance or get their opinion or their suggestions, right? This is not what this is. This is someone who is dependent on needing reassurance and support for someone else. Typically, the dependent is often very insecure as a person needing there's one person in particular from my past I'm thinking about the consistently needed to be told that they were attractive in their appearance, that their body looked good, that their hair looked good, that they looked strong. You know what I mean? Like compliments all the time. And it wasn't just like a once a week thing. It was like a like an all the time thing, and if you didn't acknowledge their physical appearance, it would be a problem, and they'd be offended, and they'd be hurt, and they'd be it'd be a big deal. So it's someone who is constantly seeking reassurance and support, and you know, sometimes it's that person who tells their whole story to everybody, and each person, they're asking for advice, opinion, guidance, right? Think of someone who's like going around asking every person for advice. And again, it's not just a one topic or a you know, I'm going through this little bit of a decision, and I need a little support or help or guidance. It's a consistent all the time. I want other people to make my decisions. For me, I need validation. I need all the attention. It's that. So it's constant, it's repetitive, it's frequently. It's about many topics, and there are people like this. Now, is it exhausting? Yes. Do you have to choose to engage in that? No, you can just say, Oh, I don't know, or, Oh, I suggest a book, right? So we're going to come to the suggestions in just a minute. But that dependent type, think about if you've ever known someone like that who constantly needs that validation, that reassurance, that praise, that support. We all like praise, but this is to a dependent degree. The next common type of energy vampire is the narcissist. The vampire always needs to be the most important person in the room. They will be tenacious in their efforts to get attention of others, and they're always seeking the admiration of others, they will wear you out often through their need for consistent praise and what they expect you to deliver to them, as far as lifting them up, building them up, praising them, giving gratitude, right? So what? So I don't want to get this confused with narcissistic personality disorder that would be diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and is a different thing. This is just someone with narcissistic behaviors, right, always needing to be the most important person in the room, putting anyone down who even maybe kind of meets their level, right? Sometimes they can get really big in their emotions or energy so that they are the center of attention. They really, sometimes are the person that needs to be the life of the party, because they need all the attention.
They often are really inconsiderate. So maybe there's a group of colleagues at lunch, right? And you're someone asks you a question, and you're like, oh, yeah, I have a story about that. And you're telling a story. The narcissist is probably over there during your story. Can't even let you tell a 10 minute story, and is either interjecting. Maybe they're laughing crazy loud to get attention. Maybe they're tapping their water glass, maybe they're calling the waiter. Maybe they're changing the subject. They can't bear you to have 10 minutes of attention. And often, like I said, they don't necessarily know that they're doing it. Sometimes they do, but not always. So they really need to be the most important person, the center of attention, and they're tenacious. So sometimes it can be like in a happy, playful, oh, I want to be the class clown. I want to make the jokes. I need attention on me. Sometimes, if they don't do it that way, or if that way doesn't work, it can tip over into even a more challenged aspect, where they can get loud, they can get aggressive, they can get really demanding and forceful for that energy. So doesn't always mean it's happy energy they're getting. They will take it any way that it comes, and often they will. It's the type of person also who, like wants to argue with the waiter about every little thing, who's rude and demanding in that way. Because they need to be right. They need to be the most important so that is the narcissist. The next type of common energy vampire is the manipulator. And again, some people have more than one of these. So often you'll see several of these layered together. It doesn't mean they have to fit tidally into one of these categories. They might be in. The people I'm thinking of are in several of these categories. I'm just going to be honest, the manipulator. This person will artfully convince you to do what they want you to do, while also convincing you that this is what you wanted to do all along. Manipulating vampires are able to use persuasion and sometimes gaslighting to get their own way, leaving the victims confused and exhausted. If you have ever engaged with, argued with, or spent significant time with a manipulator, you will agree with me that it is exhausting and it's that person that wants to spin every little thing. Oh, that's not what they said. Oh, that's you're wrong. You heard it wrong. That's not what they said. They said this. They're just trying to help. They're just trying to better you. Actually, you asked them to help you with this, or you want their support, because they know all about this, because they're better than you added, and they're just trying to help, and they don't understand why you're not taking their help, but it's manipulationing that they're really doing with you. They're manipulating the situation, and the manipulator often is manipulating multiple people at the same time. It's very rare that they have a whole set of relationships of people that they're not manipulating. It's possible, but usually they're like, telling one story to this person over here and then a different story to this person over here, or making themselves the victim over here, but they're being a bully over here, right? So I think we've all known manipulated people. A manipulator is categorically an energy vampire, someone that you're having to you know, the thing that drives me probably the most crazy in any type of relationship is when someone wants to argue about the exact words that were said. I'm just not someone who remembers that. I you know, most of us like to go through conversations peacefully, but if you've ever had a situation where every little bit of that conversation or argument that happened, they want to hash out and tell you why you're wrong about everything you said and what you thought they said, and when you clearly know what they're trying to say, and they're just manipulating you and gaslighting you to think that's not what happened. That's not what they said, that's not how it was. You're wrong, you're the problem. You're confused. That's exhausting. I'm exhausted even talking about so maybe you've known this manipulator type. I clearly definitely have the next type of energy vampire is the controller. This is not better. This type of energy vampire is polar opposite to the dependent type. Type so the controlling Energy Vampire has all of the answers and wants to tell everyone else what to do. They try to take charge of every situation and will exhaust you with their forceful and controlling manner and ways. I don't know if you've ever been in a controlling situation or a controlling relationship. It's pretty exhausting. Now this is not the parent wanting to protect the child and wanting to control or keep clear you know who their friends are, which family's houses they're going to making sure that they're safe, making sure that they have a lunch. You know what I mean? That's not what we mean by controlling. I'm thinking of a controlling situation that I had I didn't realize I was gonna struggle with, not like sharing all my deep, dark personal stuff here on this one, this person was very controlling about my physical appearance, my physique. Now, granted, I did open myself to that criticism, because this person was partially involved in my fitness and in my wellness, but then it spread over into them having all the answers and me having no answers about my body, about my energy level, about my strength, about what vitamins to take, about what I didn't need, about what to eat, about how much I ate, about what time I ate. And over time, this person was requiring me to report in regularly, all of these details to them, an accounting of what I ate and what I didn't eat, how much water I drank to the ounce, how much exercise I got, and what did that look like, and what time was it and and who was I with, and what else did I do, and what was I wearing, and what did I bring? And so it's someone who's needing to control every aspect, and often as a part of that control, not always initially, but eventually, those parameters of control keep getting tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter. So it could start like, oh, I want you to take a sweater so you don't be cold and you shouldn't be eating that. And it could morph into, actually, what are you wearing? You can't wear that. Don't wear that. Who else is going to be there? You're not allowed to wear this type of dress with this type of person around. So it always moves in that direction of them wanting all of the details and then defining or clarifying for you what you basically like are and are not, quote, unquote, allowed to do. They don't always use that language depending on their level of manipulation. Often it starts much subtler. You often wouldn't even notice initially, and sometimes it does, depending on ourselves. It can come off as caring. At the beginning, it can come off as, oh, this person just worried about me. Oh, they just care. They just are trying to help me, right? But over time, when we really look at it, we can see that it's this forceful telling you what to do. Knows all the answers, you know none of the answers. They're they're better than you. They're above you. You got to check in with them. They want to tell people what to do and how to do it. The controller
the last type, and it's not the only types. These are just the types I wanted to highlight to highlight to you. The last type of energy vampire I want to talk about is the hot or cold vampire. This person runs either all hot or all cold, and it can depend on the day, and sometimes it can even depend on the part of the day, like maybe they're really, really energized and hot and and aggressive and excited in the morning, and maybe they're really cold and withdrawn and mean in the afternoon. So it's, it's an all, all one or all the other. And it can be, they're always this way with one person, for example, or maybe it's depending on the day of the week or the time of the day. You're never sure how this person will present. Not only do they keep you guessing from like, meet up to meet up, meaning like, oh, this time they're this way, this time they're another way. So they keep you guessing. They're they're pretty unpredictable, but they're all or nothing. Attitude leaves you as their friend or the person near them on this, like, emotional roller coaster, and they're the roller coaster operator, so they're taking you on this emotional roller coaster every time you see them, maybe they're gonna be aggressive and flip out and angry and yell at a waiter and turn over the table. Or maybe they're gonna be so depressed and so sad, and you're gonna have to cater to them and nurture them and draw them out of their shell and and it can switch very hot, very cold. And the hot can even be really excited, really energetic, really outgoing. They need you to go all these places with them. Today. There's 1000 places on the list, and by the way, you're driving, and let's go. And so it's it's this hot and cold right now. We all have lots of sides of our personality. We all have lots of moods. But this is someone who switches pretty regularly and keeps you guessing. It's not like most people, where most of the time we're kind of one way, either we err on the side of being easygoing or maybe we're a little uptight, whatever our personality is, but we might have moments of getting hot or getting cold. This is a back and forth hot and cold all the time. It's like you never know which version of them you're gonna get. Do you get the eggshells version where you need to be careful what you say and they're clearly very lit up, is the way I say it. They're clearly very agitated, and we need to be careful and pacify them. Do we get this very sad, depressed cold, or even tipping into that mean cold, right where they're rude and defensive and push you away. So it's this hot and cold type of personality. And are they like this consistently? Again, not just a once in a while thing, not just an I'm having a bad day thing, but as a personality trait, this is how they are hot and cold, and it's this roller coaster feeling to be aware of too this, like emotional roller coaster, where it's, there's, there's no time where you can settle into an ease with them. It's, it's never knowing what to expect, but like, not in a good way. So those are the main types, the most common types of energy vampire they want to share with you. Now I'm going to talk a little bit about red flags, or traits to look for to spot energy vampires. So those are the types. Now, how will you spot them? They tend to monopolize the conversation with their problems, their stories. It's all about them, all the, you know, all the all the topic. Everyone at the table, right? We need to be talking about their problem. We need to be hearing about their day, what they went through, what happened with them. So they really monopolize all of the energy with what's going on with them, or what they what they want to share. Of course, all friendships have an ebb and flow, right? And sometimes, again, sometimes people go through challenging periods, if I'm with my best friends, sometimes maybe we're talking more about me, sometimes we're talking more about her, sometimes we're equally talking about our own stuff. And it shifts back and forth in a conversation that's pretty normal and to be expected, but if it's an all the time thing, right? They're not going through something, they're not in the midst of a of a strike at their job, and they're worried about that. It's an all the time so it's always something with them. Is often how we'll talk about them, like, oh, it's always something with them. They always have an emergency, they always have a problem, they always have something on fire, and they always want to only talk all about it. There's no space for you to talk about yourself or what's going on with you. There's no space for you to feel heard or you to feel seen, or you to have a couple moments of attention. It's all about them all the time, they monopolize. So be watching for that, and again, consistently over time. Another red flag to look for is if they're a taker. I hope you guys are gonna know what I mean by this. Let me know in the comments or message me about this. Sometimes it shows up in charming ways, and for others, it's in needy ways. But either way you're giving and they are taking, this could be time, it could be advice, it could be help, it could be attention. Sometimes it starts as you feeling needed, right? Maybe you're like, oh, this person needs me. I can help them. And this is why empaths and sensitives are pretty susceptible to energy vampires, because we can fall right into it, right? We can feed right into it. Oh, I they're charming. I want to help them. They need a little extra help. I sure I can help them with this. So sometimes it starts as you feeling needed and helpful, but it usually ends up feeling draining and codependent, meaning you got to check on them to see like, oh, is this going to be a good day? You got to check on them to make sure, okay, is there something they need that I'm not doing again? This goes right along with that, like they make you feel like you work for them and you don't. They're a taker. There's always something they need of yours. Time, attention. Help do this for me, run this errand for me, pick this up for me, take care of my kid for me. It could be anything. There's no There's no limits to what this can be, but it's someone who's a taker, and I think we've all had those personalities in our lives. It might be someone that we weren't even very close to, that we just maybe sometimes we can see it in like, someone else's partner, where it's like, Oh yeah, that person's partner, they're a taker. They just want, want, want, and they don't want to give at all. There's no compromise or give and take with them. They're a taker. That's a huge red flag, okay? Another huge red flag to look for. Personality trait to look for they often love. Drama, there's yours, that guy's over there, anyone else's social media, drama in the comments, drama. They often use drama to validate themselves and for comparison. So think of kind of like that. Oh, I would never look at so and so. I would never do that. I would never dress my kids like that. I would never show myself like that. But it's that judgmental comparison. Look at them. So look at me. Do you know what I mean? Look at what they're doing. I would do this so positioning themselves as better as part of this drama.
And sometimes it's like, oh, so and so's life is worse than mine, so I'm better than them, for example. Um, really, it's like they always have some kind of drama to share. They always know the drama going on at the school or the water cooler or it's they're inserting themselves in drama. Drama seems to, like find them or seek them out. They're looking for it. They like it, they enjoy it. They're creating more of that energy. And this feeds so nicely into that victim personality type, because it's so easy for them to spin it and say, oh, people are always attacking me online, for example, right? They love the drama, and they're the victim. So you could see how a lot of these work together. But that person that loves drama also, it's not just like, oh, there's this really juicy thing going on, and we're all going to talk about it. It's that they're seeking it out, pretty much across the board, all the time, in most areas of their life. Another red flag to look for is every cloud has a cloudy lining. What do I mean by that? They often cannot find a silver lining to save their life. They cannot help adding in a well, yeah. But so, you know, it's kind of like, well, yeah, but nothing ever works out for me or Yeah, but you are just like, if they're talking about, oh, they never went to school for anything, for example. And if you're like, if you're like, oh, wow, I just couldn't, you know, and it's sure a lot of us have our reasons why we didn't, but suppose they're playing that victim of why they couldn't do it. And you say, like, oh no. Well, I didn't have, you know, I didn't come for money and I worked hard and paid my way to school. Oh yeah. But you are just, you're just stronger than me, and I just need extra support. So it's, it's never being able to find that silver lining, or they can't help but adding a negative dig or a negative twist. It's like, like I said, every cloud is a cloudy lining. You could get gifted tickets to the hottest concert in town, and they're the ones already complaining about something that hasn't happened yet. Oh, we're gonna have to walk from the parking lot, or oh, those seats are so high up, or oh, those seats are too close. I don't like to be in that crowd. So whatever it is they got a complaint that they can whip out real quick, and they sometimes just roll through life as a bit of like a Negative Nelly. They're usually like a negative undertone or a negative tense to everything they're saying. These people typically are on that less sunny side of the street all the time, right? And again, we're wanting to evaluate, is this person an energy vampire? Perhaps they're a little depressed and need some support or need some therapy. That's a different thing, but if they do it to kind of bring everyone down, you can feel it. It's a little different. And I think we've all had someone in our either our family of origin, or those older generations of our family sometimes, or even, like a co worker or a work colleague, that no matter what you say, they're gonna have something negative to say about it. It reminds me of a place I worked and we'd have these, like team meetings, which were really annoying because we had to come in two hours early for them. And it was the person that, no matter what they were announcing at the meeting, because they were always announcing some kind of like a new new service that we were going to be offering, or a new way of engaging with clients, or a new computer system we're employing, there's always something new, right, a new filing system. This person, no matter what it was, always had something negative to say. It was never like, all right? Well, let's figure this out together, even if you don't like what they're proposing. I'm not saying that I liked everything that came out of these meetings, but it's like, do you need to make that negative comment? Do you need to make it negative for everyone in the situation so that it's lower energy. Could you just not say something? Not say anything, right? It's like this person's never not saying anything. They're always making the negative comment. They're always challenging in the negative way. They're always drawing attention to the less desirable sides of whatever this is, right? They They really do. Don't they're not able to look on the sunny side of things very often, if ever, along with the drama and the cloudy lining, they reject anyone else's solutions to their problems. We touched on this a little bit earlier, but they usually don't want solutions or action steps in any area they're complaining about. Now I think we've probably all seen this too. And I'm so curious, if you can resonate like, how many of these you have known before? Because there's a lot of energy vampires out there. And again, often it's just those unhealed parts of us, messy in the world. But this, this is the type of person that like for me, for example, not I actually did an episode about this recently. I'm not saying this is always right, but tip always right, but typically, my natural inclination, if someone is coming to me with a challenge or a problem, I want to give support. I want to often validate their emotions or support them in some way. And if it's something that they need some help or guidance with, I'm happy to brainstorm or give ideas or suggestions for solution or direction or next steps, right? And I think all of us do that to some degree, or receive that for some degree, if I need help with something, and someone knows a website that I could look at to maybe find a direction or an answer, yeah, tell me great. But this is the type of person that, no matter what the problem is that they're complaining about or bringing to people's attention, they don't want a solution. No matter what solution you give, they have a reason why that's not going to work for them, right? And maybe it's even, oh, there's this website that has, like, a resource list and and this resource list, you know, maybe you'll find someone that can help you on this resource list. Oh, no, I just can't. I just, I just can't sit there and and read that. That's not going to work for me. It's like, no matter what it is that you offer as a suggestion or a solution, they have some kind of reason, and it's not even a valid there's something about the way they give it that you can just tell like, oh, they don't want to try anything. Like, this person isn't willing to try anything. It's not like, Oh yeah, I already checked out that website, and actually, it's not quite what I needed. Or, Oh yeah, you know, let me just make a note of that. Maybe there's something useful on there, even if they don't like your suggestion, it's any suggestion you make, they have a reason why. That's a no, that's not going to work for them. That's and then it that's really exhausting and draining. So they don't want your solutions. They like to complain. The next one is they don't take personal responsibility. This is a huge red flag, and I want to say, like a characteristic of, I think, just about every energy vampire I've ever met, unless it's a demonstration of like a narcissistic manipulation, right, where they'll take personal accountability, but only to spin it or manipulate the situation they don't actually mean it. What's that famous saying? Apologies without change? Behavior is just manipulation. They might apologize for that behavior, but they have no intention of looking at themselves, changing it, adjusting making you feel better, none of it. So they take no personal responsibility. There's always someone or something. There's always something to blame, right? Some will twist their stories or even leave out details, and some will just outright lie. So it's not their fault. Nothing's their fault. At the end of the day, often you'll see this one with several of those types that we talked about, but particularly the victim type. There's just no personal responsibility. They don't want to say. You know what? I need to look at these choices I'm making, because I've made these, this series of choices, and I keep landing myself in trouble, and maybe I need to evaluate the choices I'm making or the people I'm spending time with, right? There's none of that. It's, it's these people always drag me into this, and I there's no way I could separate myself from these people, and it's always someone else's fault, so no personal responsibility. And I've even seen this with grown adults, right? I'm not. I'm not really talking about kids here. I'm talking about grown people, because kids do all kinds of weird stuff unintentionally. But even if it's like, I'm thinking of a partner I had that would sometimes, like, make a mess, and I would be like, oh, there's this mess. And it would be like, reasons why it's not their fault they didn't do it. It's my fault. I should have been there to clean it. I should clean it. I shouldn't even ask them about it. So it could even be like a small little thing that you're noticing maybe,
maybe they spilled something, and they might have such an overreaction about who put that on that shelf? Why is that on the edge, like that so mad and needing to blame the milk manufacturers for the way they made the bottle lopsided the kids in the house because they used the milk last and didn't put it, I don't know, on the right shelf, or made it less full than they thought it was right. There's always something no personal responsibility. This one drives me nuts. Can you tell I. Think it drives a lot of us nuts. The next red flag that I have is they have some kind of charm. This one might surprise you, because we think of like, Negative Nelly as like, oh, sometimes we can spot them really clearly, but sometimes they have a lot of charm. They may have, like, this whole persuasive side of them, they may have the gift of gab, right? Some people can talk to anyone, anywhere they go. Some of those people are really manipulative. Some are just friendly and wanting to be in community. But I've known others that if they're talking to you, it's because they want to try to manipulate you. Get one over on you. I'm thinking of someone who like at the checkout stand. They would always talk a lot to the cashier because they were trying to either get away with not putting something on the register from their cart, or getting away with an extra discount or getting away with something right. So often they're very manipulative, but charming and have some kind of gift of gab. They can put on a great, what I call it, a sad puppy. They can put on a great sad puppy face for you. They can even like, present themselves as, like scrappy underdog, like the person that never wins, that's trying so hard, and they're this scrappy underdog story, right? Those are some of my favorites. Sad puppy and scrappy underdog. Others have something about them that just makes you want to help them, right? There's some quality about them that you just want to help this person. I can't tell you how many people have said that to me about someone who is either like an abuser or a manipulative person or an energy vampire. I don't know what it is about them. I just something about them. I just want to help them out, right? And sometimes it's more of like a lost puppy vibe, like, oh dear. They just even like, they need a little help, a little direction. I've definitely met these types. Some have outward charisma, like that charm, that charisma, that something about them that gets them lots of attention. They may even express tons of gratitude. This is a spin that I've seen, where it's they're so appreciative. They give praise, they give whatever they get their way, or you, quote, unquote, help them with something. They do give a lot of praise, a lot of gratitude, a lot of appreciation, a lot of verbal accolades, but then they're manipulating you to get that next thing right. So is it genuine gratitude, or is it that charming gratitude to manipulate you or to make it seem like, oh, maybe this other, maybe this controlling behavior is not so bad, because when I do report into them and let them control they they seem happy about it. It's that. It's that manipulation again, right? So if someone is charming, don't let that throw you off. It doesn't disqualify them. We're looking for if it's genuine charm, or if it's like a manipulative charm, like a sad puppy or a lost puppy or a scrappy underdog or a you know, what's the motivation under there and what's the behavior with it? And another red flag to look for is they often won't take no for an answer if they want you to do something. For example, they will find time in your day that they feel like you can fit in whatever their task or their need is. They may pressure you for details about your schedule or guilt you into agreeing. They might cry, they might get angry, they might sad puppy all over you. They might hold things over your head, but basically they will exhaust you to get their way. I've had I've had all of these, if I'm honest, over the course of my life, I've had someone like this that instead of saying, Hey, do you think you could help me out with this thing today? They would say, Hey, what is your schedule look like today? And you might say like, oh, I'm working. Oh, what time? What time are you? What time's your first appointment? And I tell oh, what time's your last appointment? Oh, you're like, back to back all day. Oh, no, well, I have like, a little lunch break in here. Oh, what time is that? Oh, so, like, they're evaluating and pushing and pushing and nudging and nudging, because they're gonna find a time, even if you're like, there's no way I could babysit for you today, they're gonna evaluate your schedule and find a time or a way, or, Oh, well, if I bring you lunch, and then I'll just bring this kid to you, and then you'll have that hour, because you won't have to leave and go get lunch, and then you can just watch him for that hour for me real quick, they will find a way to fit it in Your schedule for you. So it's just one way that they can do it, but it's, it's manipulative, and sometimes, like I said, they'll use tears, they'll get angry, they'll hold something over you, maybe a favor they did for you a year ago, maybe I used to have someone. It's the same person that I was thinking of before that would do fate, quote, unquote favors for me that I didn't ask them to do. So then they could use that later and say, Well, I did this thing for you. You need to do this for me like that, like you're not being a good friend. And in my mind, I was like, Yeah, but I didn't ask you to do that thing, and I didn't want that thing, and it's. Very kind of you to do that, but like, I don't, I don't want, like, that's not a favor. I didn't ask for that, and I don't want that. And this isn't fair. So if, again, if you're feeling that frustration with them, take a deeper look. So someone who won't take no for an answer. The last red flag I want to share is, if you just dread interacting with them, this could be like a physical reaction in your body, like a pit of your stomach feeling or maybe you get sweaty, or maybe you just feel like low energy when you think about interacting with them. But it could be like a physical reaction from your body. It could be a facial reaction that you don't even realize that you're having because it's not intentional when you see, like, their name pop up on your phone. It might be like a, like a or like a leaning back, like a small facial movement that you might not even realize that you're doing. Just pay attention. It could be a verbal like, oh, that just slips right out when their name, like, if you see their name on a guest list, for example, maybe someone's having a dinner, and you get the guest list of who's going to be on the dinner and the dinner, and when you read their name, there's this little like that, just like slips out, maybe totally unintentionally, just pops right out of you,
and you feel drained and even overwhelmed from interacting with them. That's a red flag, just in and of itself. And then you can evaluate all the rest, but if there's little bit of like dread resistance about hanging out with them, that's a big red flag. Next, I want to talk a little bit about taking responsibility, right? Because what do we do now that we've identified maybe some people that we've known in our past or maybe our present that are energy vampires? Well, how do we take responsibility? Most instances I have encountered with energy vampires have been, to be really honest with you, have been because of my own poor boundaries at the time or with that specific person. There's some people that I just have stronger boundaries with than others. It's always something I'm working on. I think you guys hear me say, hopefully you hear me say all the time that I'm a work in progress. So most of the time, when I've encountered an issue with an energy vampire, it's because of my poor boundaries, because I'm not being strong enough, because I'm being too much of a people pleaser, because I'm being too passive, because I let that person talk to me like that, because I let that person, because I married that person, whatever it is, but it's, it's me needing to take responsibility. We're always growing. So it's important to evaluate our own relationship with boundaries as a part of evaluating this energy vampire, right? And maybe you realize, oh, I need to make some some boundaries. Maybe, you know, Mary out there at the cubicle, maybe I only will in her office message with her. Maybe I'm not going to go to her desk anymore and pick up papers. Maybe I'm going to ask them to be sent by, you know, with the with the person that delivers all the other mail, maybe you're going to make some boundaries about how you're engaging and how much you're letting them into your space or your energy, right? So also taking a look at our own boundaries. Number two, undertaking responsibility. Are you an energy vampire for others? I told you we were going to look at this. The truth is, we've likely all had moments, moments where we have drained someone else's energy who was supporting us. For most highly sensitive people, this is actually one of our biggest fears. We don't want to impose. We don't want to be in like, we don't ask for what we need, because we're afraid to like, drain someone else's energy, right? But you can check in with yourself on all of the above flags and continue your personal development and your emotional processing right. Process your emotions. Keep healing, keep growing, keep working on yourself, whether through therapy or reading books or classes or whatever it is you like to do, but we gotta keep working on ourselves. Right. Try to be aware of keeping your share times equal meaning like that, give and take in a friendship like I was talking about. And I do pay attention to this. Sometimes like, Oh, am I talking all about myself? Am I like, asking them about themselves, right? It's just good conversation manners. And sometimes, the closer the person is to us, we can, like, forget about this. Forget about our manners, right? So just checking in. If you feel like, oh, I might be draining this person. Are you checking on them too, or is it just, you know? Is it just all them checking on you? So just keep checking in with yourself. Be doing your work. Make share times equal. Give and take in your relationships. Make sure to express gratitude and appreciation in genuine ways. Make sure that you're not trying to be sneaky and manipulate right situations and people, and make sure that you're also doing your own work. We're not just dependent on other people to validate us, to make us feel good about ourselves, to give us guidance. We have our own answers, so just take a look at yourself as it relates to all of the red flags that we talked about and the types that we talked about and the questions that we talked about. And again, sometimes we slip into little phases of this, just to be aware of Okay, so this brings us to our last little segment of this conversation, once you have identified the energy vampires in your life, what can you do about it? Right? You know, I'm a person of action, not always, but it's my preference. So you've identified these people who maybe they're in your past, maybe they're in your present, energy vampires. What to do first, to know and to remember and hang on to which I'm sure you do know, we can't change anyone. You can choose how to engage or how to interact, but for the most part, people are who they are, so unless someone is willing to, for example, go to therapy and engage in real, meaningful work and conversation and growth. You can't change anyone. Only each individual can choose to do that work on themselves and change themselves. So just know you're not going to change that person, no matter how much you love them, no matter how kind you are to them, no matter how much you let them suck all of your energy, you're not going to change them. The next thing to realize in here is evaluate how this person fits into your life. For example, is this a co worker, like we were talking about, that you can minimize, minimalize, or minimize personal engagement with, or is this a personal friend who it's gonna maybe be more noticeable if you're not answering their calls. Or is this a relative? This is a relative that you see all the time. Is a relative that you only see once a year, on a holiday, for example. So really, just taking note, taking stock, evaluating how does this person fit into your life? Are there any ways where you can minimize some of the contact with them? Is that even what you want to do, can do you just want to accept them how they are? Do you want to make a change? How does this person even fit into your life? Do you want or need to keep some communication or contact with them, or does it make more sense to phase them out? Right? The truth is sometimes we love people that are difficult, and we still want to have some sort of relationship with them, but we can choose how to be in relationship, right? So is this someone who you've decided, You know what? This is, a significant person in my family. I don't want to cut all ties with them. I do want to stay in some communication with them, but this needs to be reworked so that it feels good for me. So maybe it's limiting conversation, or maybe it's, you know, there's some different ways you can work with it. Once you've decided, is this someone I just want to start distancing myself from? And then you can start to make those meetings or those conversations fewer and further between. You can make them shorter. Do you deal with them on a day to day? Or can you take a bit of a break from this person in a kind of unnoticed way, because some of these people we might not interact with all the time, and we can, we could kind of take some space, and they might not even notice if it's someone we don't talk to all the time. Another thing to be looking at about, like, what to do about this is, what are your current boundaries with this person? And is it possible to create new boundaries in some relationship dynamics? It's really tough to change the boundaries, but it can be done. You're an individual person. You get to make new choices and decisions at any point. So does everybody else you get to decide what's good for you? You can state a new boundary at any time. It helps to first identify which behaviors are draining and make your boundaries kindly but be direct and firm and consistent, right? So what could that look like? Maybe you have a person in your life, let's just say a parent. For example, you you have a parent in your life. You don't want to cut them out of your life. It's not, it's not what's going to happen. You want to keep contact with them, but you want some boundaries so you evaluate, okay, what's the behavior that's like really most bothering me right now? Maybe it's that that person makes commentary about your life or your choices or yourself, and you don't like it, so maybe that's the behavior that you're going to identify. And then what's a boundary you want to create with them? Maybe it's you know, I love you so much. I think you have a life full of wisdom, but I would appreciate not sharing your opinions about the way I do my style, unless I ask you, do you think that's something that you could do? I just, you know, I just have my own style, and I know you have your own style, and I want to make a little bit of a boundary that I I'm just not open for thoughts or feelings about my personal style. And. I ask for it, I really appreciate that. I'd love to talk about this topic with you. I'd love to talk to you about my work. I'd love to talk to you about your style or your work. So give some other things that you can talk about and then be firm and consistent. So then when that parent at that next dinner that you see them at says, Oh, I don't know if I like that color on you. You could say, Oh, thanks so much for your opinion. I know you have a lot of wisdom, but remember, I'm not taking any I'm not taking on any new opinions or ideas about my style right now. So thank you. But if you could just keep that and not share it, that I would really love that. Thank
you so much. So it's reaffirming that boundary, restating it. People aren't going to get it right away, because probably it's not what they want, but they can come around to it, and then you get to continue to assess how you want to engage with that person, how much, how much this thing bothers you, this behavior, whatever it is. And again, remember, people aren't going to change. They could change their behavior, the way they talk to you or the things they say, but it's really tough to change a habit, and most people just aren't going to change. But they could change the way they're talking to you. So that's just an example of understanding what are your current boundaries with them, and does any of that need to shift or change? Another thing to consider is prioritizing your own needs and self care if possible. For example, if this is your boss, you may hold strong boundaries around not answering your work emails after hours. If this is not a part of your job, some people have jobs where they have to answer 24 hours. If your workday ends at, let's say, 7pm maybe one of your boundaries is, oh, I no longer answer emails after hours. I'll get to those in the morning. But it's you needing to make that boundary. If this is a friend, for example, don't give up on that yoga class to listen to them complain like you don't have to, you don't have to give up that class, not always for volunteering extra details. But for example, if a friend like texts you and needs to talk and it's the time for your yoga class, you might say, I have yoga at 10. I can meet you tomorrow at 11. So it's you creating that boundary. You don't have to give them a ton of overshare about, oh, this class is so important to me, and I got to me, and I got to go to this and I want because then they're going to find a way to wiggle your schedule, maybe right? But you can say I'm not available today. I have a meeting at 10, or I have an appointment at 10, I can meet you tomorrow at 11. That's a boundary, and you're offering something different. You can also create some time before agreeing to things. This is a trick I use a lot, just because it helps me a lot. I will often say, You know what can I get back to you later about that? If someone asks me to have a plan or wants to set up a lunch or needs to talk to me, I might say, You know what give me. Let me get back to you tomorrow about this, because it gives me the rest of that day to really assess how much time do I want to give them? Is this something I want to agree to? Is this something I'm getting guilted into I can really assess? So create some time. And maybe it's even you get that email and you say, you say, I'm going to get back to you in a few hours about this. So just letting them know you are going to get back to them. You're not ghosting them or not ignoring them, but creating some time for yourself so that you can figure out what actually you want. This was a big thing for me at one point, because I normally will just agree or just say no, and both of those were not working all the time, right? So I am a recovering people pleaser, as you guys know, I sometimes would just agree to things, but I found giving myself that space and saying, You know what? Let me get back to you at the end of the day and let you know if I can, if I can fit that in or not. I'll let you know that just gives me time to assess so highly encourage that. Another thing to remember is, don't take this person who you've identified as having energy, vampire behavior. Don't take their criticism, their complaining or their negativity personally, and don't take it on. You don't have to match that energy, right? If they're miserable and complaining, and you are going to see them for that hour and you are going to spend time with them, don't take it on to your energy. Don't now you start noticing everything that's wrong with this mall, for example, you don't have to match that. You don't have to match that vibe. Don't take it on and definitely don't take it personally. It's more about them and who they want to be, and less about you. And the last one here is seek support from a professional therapist or psychologist. I know this might sound like common sense, but they can often help you understand what it is about you and your boundaries that is giving this energy vampire more access or more free rein. Right looking at ourselves and a therapist or a professional psychologist or support person like that can also teach tools to you about. Your boundaries, about how to work on yourself, about how to create and hold what you need and what you desire, right asking for what you need, for setting boundaries that that you can hold. And not only can teach you some of these tools, but then in your sessions, if you're seeing them, for example, once a week, let's say you can go back in those next sessions and say, Okay, here's what I tried, here's what happened. And they can keep fine tuning that with you, coaching on on that with you, so that you can start to understand what's uncomfortable for you about making boundaries, how to make a boundary, and in those specific circumstances with that specific person, they can really just support you through that interaction, particularly if it's someone that you can't just distance yourself from, if it's not just a friend that you can like, I don't want to say, cut out, but that you can distance from and maybe only see at like the school functions, for example, or only see once in a while at the gatherings and and start separating, especially if it's someone who's close to you. Really having the support of a professional therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist is it can be so, so helpful. So that is the encouragement there. So now that you know how to spot them and what to do about them, I feel really confident that you will be able to not only identify energy vampires in your day to day or in your overall life or past, but you'll also know the red flags to look for, to spot them and what to do once you realize who they are. So I hope this has been helpful for you. I hope you've learned a lot more about energy vampires, and that you've discovered through our conversation, that it doesn't have to feel as overwhelming, that you do have some power and autonomy, that you do have the ability to make choices and boundaries, and just now, I'm sending you lots of love, so hopefully you can make Some decisions about any energy vampires in your life, Big hugs, love to love. Bye for now from inside Spirit Speakeasy.